Category: ADHD & Under The Rock

Enter My Daughter — The Birth That Felt Like a Five-Star Retreat

~ thelazydesi38 ~ Leave a comment

June 2019 gave me my only daughter —

born in a renowned birth center housed inside the region’s most elite hospital system.

They blended luxury, evidence-based care, and autonomy so flawlessly it felt like the childbirth equivalent of checking into a spa.

She was overdue by two weeks,

labor spanned two days,

pushing lasted twelve hours,

and yet —

it was transcendent.

Quiet.

Held.

Empowered.

She slid into the world in warm water, peacefully asleep and undisturbed,

the culmination of a decade-long arc of learning, reclaiming, and commanding my own body’s narrative.

I Became the Woman Who Negotiated With Institutions and Won

~ thelazydesi38 ~ Leave a comment

Some people learn to be assertive in career boardrooms.

I learned in labor rooms.

By now, I was:

▫️ a veteran researcher

▫️ a child birth expert

▫️ an emotionally bulletproof mother

▫️ someone who could decode medical language quicker than residents

I realized something profound:

When you combine scientific literacy with unshakeable statistical data,

you become a force that even the hospital staff hesitates to challenge.

Pregnancy #4 — When My Birth Plan Became a Thesis

~ thelazydesi38 ~ Leave a comment

It’s 2017 and I am no longer playing defense.

I wrote 348-page laminated birth plans signed by me and the doctor.

Categorized. Indexed. Color-coded.

Bindered for each staff member like a conference packet.

I was gestational-diabetic this time (a condition that never left afterward),

(though diet-controlled and unmedicated of my own volition, thank you very much)

but even so — the new hospital treated me with respect.

Let me labor naturally.

Honored every line of my birth plan.

My fourth son arrived full-term, wonderfully overdue, and beautifully ready at over 7 lbs.

It was the most collaborative medical experience of my life.

My Family Watched Me Become My Full Self Without Even Realizing It

~ thelazydesi38 ~ Leave a comment

They saw the young mom with the baby on her hip.

They did not see the silent equations running in the background,

the strategic overhaul I was architecting in real time,

the future I was coding with instinct rather than algorithms.

Genius doesn’t always look like a lab coat.

Sometimes it looks like a 20-year-old buying a house in a collapsed market while packing a stroller into an SUV.

January 2011: I Turn 20 and Something in My Brain Snaps Into Perfect Alignment”

~ thelazydesi38 ~ Leave a comment

There are birthdays where nothing happens.

And then there are birthdays where the tectonic plates shift.

Turning 20 felt like someone plugged my brain into a generator.

Suddenly, I could see the future architecture of my life in crisp resolution — and New York was not in it.

Security was.

Autonomy was.

A home was.

The desire was so surgically precise it bordered on prophetic.

Traveling With Another Person Revealed How Much I Masked as a Teen

~ thelazydesi38 ~ Leave a comment

This one was… eye-opening.

Traveling alone as a teen, I masked effortlessly:

Quick reflexes in crowds Hypervigilance Silent efficiency No emotional leakage Zero sensory complaints

Traveling as an adult with someone else?

My mask cracked.

Hard.

Suddenly the noise was too loud, the people were too close, the expectations were too heavy.

I realized how much I’d intellectualized my way through fear and discomfort back then.

How much adrenaline compensated for the ADHD exhaustion.

How much of my “independence” was actually survival-mode brilliance.

Being with someone didn’t make me weaker —

it simply revealed how much stronger I’d forced myself to be when I was alone.

But hey! It’s New York City Baby!!!

Standing at the Edge of Adulthood With a Genius Brain and Tired Bones

~ thelazydesi38 ~ Leave a comment

I can feel adulthood pressing against the door like a storm.

Marriage whispers from the horizon. (Not till 2014 ya’ll, talked to my dad and everything)

Responsibility calls my name.

Life is shifting.

But inside me, there is still a girl who wants to:

design websites at 3 a.m.

diagnose imaginary patients

read entire physiology chapters for fun

debate X-Men continuity

dream of impossible careers

hide under the covers because the world is too loud

I am a woman made of contradictions.

A phoenix without fire.

A genius without direction.

A dreamer who keeps tripping on reality. Ohhh, the trippin’ is real.

But I’m still here.

Still brilliant.

Still burning — softly.

Would also like my Blackberry PalmwebOS to stay charged longer than it takes to spell the word Rhododendron.

Sigh. A girl can dream can’t she…

My Brain Has Too Many Open Tabs and None of Them Are Saved

~ thelazydesi38 ~ Leave a comment

Today’s mental tabs include:

the limbic system

why Jean Grey disappoints me but also inspires me

how to build a PHP-based login script

existential dread

a recipe for brownies

emotional fatigue

the neurochemistry of motivation

whether I should reorganize my closet

Spoiler: I did none of these.

I lay on my bed, face buried in my pillow, in the soft pink haze of my princess room, waiting for my neurons to pick a lane.

They didn’t.